Esentrik Short Story Collection
by esentrik
Summary: A collection(eventually) of all the Stephanie Plum fics I write for rqfic(a yahoo JE writers club). Some of them are out of order though
1. Trick or Treat Written Oct27th

Author: Esentrik (the real one)  
Challenge: #47-Trick or Treat  
Spoiler: Not a single one (but I could be, and usualy am, wrong)  
Rating: Pg-13  
  
Tonight was halloween, the best holiday of the year. Already, kids were running around, dressed in thier costumes. I had dozens of skips to take care of before the week was over, but I had time to spare. Somehow I knew I could get out of at least half of these skips.  
  
A little wonder woman stood on the sidewalk and waved to me, and then darted across the street behind my car to get her ball. Unbelievably, she was like me when I was seven, only she showed no signs of trying to fly. I smiled and waved back. In the rear view mirror, I watched her throw the ball to a much larger boy, dressed as a pirate. He caught it against his chest, trapping it with his bare hand and plastic hook.  
  
In the culdesac there were little fairies and ghosts running amuck, chasing and laughing. But one little guy caught my eye. He was dressed as Batman. But something was wrong. He was slumped over on the stoop of a house- presumibly his house- with his head in his hands.I had half a heart to ask him what was wrong, but didn't. Batmans' were tricky that way.  
  
Hand raised to knock on the door, he turned and asked, "How did I get suckered into this?"  
  
"The girls love you, Albert's sick as a dog in bed, and Val has to work late." I explained and rang the door bell instead.  
  
"And you?" He asked.  
  
"I love you too." I said and got on my tippy toes and brushed a kiss on his nose.  
  
"Good to hear." He said and the door opened.  
  
Angie stood there in full costume. Head to toe princess. "Wha'd ya think?" She asked and twirled around.  
  
"You certainly are a princess." He said and scooped her up off her untoed feet.  
  
She squealed like she usually did, and the minute he set her down, she skipped off to find her shoes and candy bag. All the squealing brought Mary Alice down. Her cheeks were stained with tears.  
  
"What's wrong Mare?" I asked and crouched down.  
  
She looked down at her hooves and grabbed her tail. There was a big rip in it, and you could see her jeans.  
  
"No problem there kiddo." I said, and took her off to the kitchen to find a safety pin.  
  
Safety pins are a magical invention. Almost immediatly, her tears dried up and she had a huge smile on her face.  
  
Angie had him by the finger, and was pulling him(Its a secret until the end!) through-out the neighborhood. He smiled back at me and then at her. Mary Alice was galloping beside me, the little candy in her bag hitting the bottom at the same time her feet hit the pavement. After the third neighbor hood, Angie handed him her bag and he juggled the falling candy for about twenty minutes before we could get back to the house to unload.  
  
There, the both had a glass of water and ate a good quarter of the candy. We went out one more time, in the opposite directon we had begun on. Both girls were falling behind steadily, dragging their feet with heads hung low like zombies. Mary Alice stopped and leaned on a car, refusing to go any further. He offered her a piggie back ride, and she climbed up his back and hung her arms loosely around his neck.Angie said she could make it until she got home, but she too, in the end, got carried.  
  
We carried them into the house, and placed them in their beds with kisses and hugs. They were asleep before we even left the house.  
  
I dragged myself into my new apartment. The old one had finally met it's match. The water leaked, and the crummy ceiling broke through, leaving my bathroom, kitchen and half of my living room in Mr. Tegerson's first floor apartment. I punched in the code to the door, and inserted the key. The code gave my three seconds to turn the key and get the door unlocked. I took too long the first two times, and he had to do it for me. With both of his hands on my shoulders, he steered me into my bedroom.  
  
He was such a nice guy, he even striped me down to my bra and thong. Then he left me, with the cool breeze blowing directly on my through the open window. I heard the microwave going as I pulled the covers up from underneath me. Seconds later, he returned with a hot cup of hot chocolate, and then some sort of green tea thing in the other. He took a sip out of mine, and then passed it to me.  
  
I hummed into the cup and my breath came up as a smoke. He smiled, and even in the dark, I could see his teeth. And his eyes. Creepy, in a sense. I put my empty mug on the floor beside his foot and layed in bed on my stomach, staring at the shiny black boots. He brushed the back of his knuckles on my bare back and up to my cheek.  
  
He leaned over a kissed my forehead. "You're leaving?" I asked him.   
  
"Unless you don't want me to." He replied  
  
"Don't." I begged, and tugged him into the bed next to me by his arm.  
  
"Then I wont." He assured and curled me up in his arms, so that I could face him still.  
  
"I love you, Ric." I cooed and kissed his chin.  
  
"Love you too babe. Love you too." He kissed me lightly on the lips.  
  
Never, ever, have I had a halloween quite like this. 


	2. Flying Written Nov3rd

Name: Esentrik  
Challenge: ?49- Flight  
Spoiler: None  
  
"Mom! She's done it again." Screamed a little voice from the top of the stairs.   
  
Not again! One of these days, that child is going to break something. "Is she alright?" I hollared back.   
  
"I think so..."  
  
Oh boy. I set down my bootk and ventured outside, where sitting on the grass was a crying little seven year old girl. Tears fell down her cheeks, and she was hugging her knee close to her body. A little worried, I picked up my pace. As I got closer, I could see that it was just scraped. "You ok baby?" I cooed.  
  
She shook her head up and down. We'd been through all of this three days this week. Destined to fly, that all there was to it.  
  
"Everything ok over here?" She turned to look at her daddy, who had emerged from the garage.  
  
"Yeah daddy. But I think I need a bandaid." She whiped her nose with the back of her sweater sleeve.  
  
He smiled down on her, and crouched down beside her. They rubbed noses, and she ran her arms around his neck. He sid one of his up her back and slowly lifted her off the ground and began to treck towards the house.  
  
"I think it's genetic Babe." He hollared over his shoulder.  
  
Great, just what I needed.   
  
FROM ESENTRIK- I do believe this was the shortest one I've done. I'm used to writing whole storys(or chapters of them) so this is a big improvement for me! Thanks everyone for making me feel like I'm on top of the world. 


	3. Good Bye Earl Written Oct23rd

Goodbye Earl-Dixie Chicks

Mary Lou and Stephanie had know each other all their lives. After they graduated, Mary Lou got married to Lenny, who was a nice husband who helped with the kids and was never once suspected of cheating on Mary Lou.

But Stephaine got the raw end of life. Her first marrige was ended after she caught her husband boinking Joyce Brandheart on their new kitchen table. She lost her job not long after, and finally found another job. Sweeping up fugitives for her kinky cousin Vinnie.

But Stephanie had made the biggest mistake of her life. She had married Joe Morelli, Trenton's hottest cop. Women were always following him, checking out his fine ass where ever they went. Joe always had late survalence jobs, and early morning meetings. If Steph caught him on a bad day at work, she'd have bruises to show for it later.

Ranger had just dissapeard after her wedding. Steph had gotten ahold of the guys once or twice, and they didn't know where he had gone to. No one knew.

But tonight was bad. Joe had just walked through the door, drunk off of his own two feet. Stephanie knew her fate tonight. And she would need help.

"What are you doing, calling at 2 a.m.?" Mary Lou answered angrily.

"It's Steph. Joe's home." Tears fell down Stephanie's face.

"Hold on, I'll be right there." Mary Lou sounded worried.

Stephaine locked herself in the bathroom, and she heard Joe climb up the stairs. He banged on the door and yelled out a string of curse words, all to slurred to understand.

Mary Lou pulled up a few minutes later, just as Joe found the key to the door. Stephanie climbed out the window and walked on to the shingled roof of the kitchen. The shingles were slippery and Steph struggled to make it over to the garbage can. With Mary Lou standing in horror, Stephanie made it and Mary Lou put the Van into drive before Stephanie had shut the door.

"There are things you can do about this." Mary Lou warned.

Stephanie nodded slowly and whiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. "I'll call Dickie in the morning."

Mary Lou let Stephanie stay on her couch that night, and made her call Dickie before she let her shower. Stephanie arranged to meet him at Pino's for lunch.

Stephanie borrowed Lenny's truck and went back to Joe's house. With her gun in her hand, she let herself in. Joe had passed out in the hallway outside the bathroom. Stephanie stepped over him, got her belongings and left.

------------------------------------------------------

"So, what problem is it now?" Dickie asked, folding his hands and sliding them halfway across the table.

"I need to divorce him." Stephanie said, looking at Dickie's ring barren fingers.

"Hon, you're track record not to great, is it? Catch him bare assed too?" He smiled.

"No," She rolled up the sleeve of her long sleeved shirt to reveal a trail of dark bruises left from three nights ago, when Joe had not sobered up before he came home. "I been having some problems."

Dickie's smile faded. "Please tell me an FTA did that?"

Ste aside from the awefull divorce, Dickie still had a high reguard for Stephanie. Steph just shook her head. Dickie pulled some papers out of a brief case and explained them to her. It was breif, since she had seen them once before. "Can I get a restraining order too?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah. I was about to suggest that." Dickie took one more look at Stephanie's arm and grimaced.

Stephanie signed the papers and Dickie agreed to hand them to Joe so that she wouldn't have to mess with him. With a smile and a quick hug, they both left to go to their jobs.

Stephanie swung around to Tasty Pastry and grabbed the usual, a 12-count box of jelly filled doughnuts for the girls at the office. She made an illegal turn and nearly hit the black Beemer that was parked out front. Ranger was back.

Panic struck Steph. She pulled the visor down and looked at herself in the mirror. There was a bruise still around her eye, from Joe's bad day at work last week, and a scar from dinner a week before that. She was in no position to explain things to Ranger.

She looked at the box of doughnuts. Lula and Connie would have a fit if she didn't go in, and by now they'd have seen her. Besides, Steph didn't need 12 whole doughnuts. With a deep breath, she picked up the box and headed inside.

"He's back!" Connie screached when Stephanie walked through the doors.

Lula pointed to Vinnie's office. Stephanie quietly asked if there were any FTA's and set the box on the desk. "Girl, your eye's looking better." Lula commented and picked up a lemon jelly doughnut.

Stephanie began to explain her lunch with Dickie. She was about to get to the part where the restraining order came in when Vinnie's office door was pulled open and Ranger stepped out. He smiled to Connie and Lula, and when his eye's settled on Steph, he was already asking questions. He took a few steps closer and picked up a doughnut. "Something you'd like to tell me Babe?"

She took a deep breath and followed him outside. If she didn't tell him, he'd just send Tank on a never ending search on my medical history from the time he dissapeared. And her history wasn't top notch. He pulled her into the alleyway and backed her against the wall. He ran his thumb lightly over the bruises and scar. "Morelli?"

Stephanie fell apart. She began to sob and she felt her knees give away. Ranger grabbed her arms and held her up. He had run off bacause he knew Steph was probably making a mistake. Joe didn't want to move heaven and earth for her. But against his better judgement, he didn't argue and ran away. He didn't think Steph's mistake would be this bad.

He walked her over to her car and sat with her until she stopped crying. "I should have been here." Ranger said after a long silence.

"There wouldn't have been anything you could have done, other than to kill him. I don't want to kill him, I just want him as far away from me as humanly possible." Steph had explained the divorce, and the restraining order.

Ranger smiled and left her car and walked over to his. "If you ever need me, call."

She knew that had always been the case. From day one(well, I guess it was day 3 or 4) when she had been handcuffed to her shower rod, Ranger broke into her apartment and let her free. It was embarassing, but he never told the guys or anyone. He joked about it once, after she had moved on to bigger, more embarassing things.

She pulled out of the lot, and her phone rang. The read out said Joe, and she picked it up. "Hel..hello?"

"Morning Cupcake." Joe's voice was cheery.

"Mornin'." Steph said trying to match the same enthusiasm.

"Bad day?" Joe asked.

"Rather not talk about it." Steph said.

"What's wrong cupcake?" Joe asked.

Stephanie turned the radio on and twisted the know untill she heard static. "What? Joe? You're breaking up. Tell you what...I'll meet you for Pinos at six, k?"

"Cupcake..." And Stephanie disconected. She didn't plan to go to Pino's at six. She had better things to do.

------------------------------------------------------------

(Two weeks later)

Steph let out a sigh of relief. For the fourth night in a row, she could go to sleep easy, knowing that Joe wouldn't be there to beat on her anymore. She was asleep in her old appartment. Origianlly she had sold it, but the owner was out of town on buisness and said she felt sorry for Steph and Steph could stay a few nights.

Stephanie heard the lock tumble. She was used to this. But now she was frightened. Ranger wouldn't break into her apartment if it wasn't her apartment anymore. Common courtesy. Stephanie got up to check the door, just to make sure.

Standing in the doorway was a overly drunk Joe. Stephanie's first instinct was to run. She threw things behind her to stop Joe, who was doing a lovely time staying up on his own two feet. Stephanie looked at the parking lot. Joe's truck was parked in the very middle. No one else was in it. Joe had driven himself.

Stephanie crossed her bedroom and hurkd on the window. The window lead out onto the fire escape. But the window wouldn't budge. Frantically, Stephanie grabbed her cell phone off the side tabe and dialed the only number she could remember.

"Babe?" Ranger sounded like he had been dragged awake.

"Help." Stephanie screamed as Joe came into the room, weilding a kitchen knife.

Stephanie dropped the phone, and then hit her knees trying to find it. Joe stumbled over the sheets Stephanie had thrown at him. Stephanie began to scream, hoping she was loud enough and Ranger would hear her.

Joe tripped one final time over the edge of the bed, the knife stabbed Stephanie in the knee and was drug down the side of her leg. Joe pushed himself off the ground and grabbed Stephanie around the ankle as she tried to get away. Her chin hit the floor and her world went dark.

Ranger arrived only a few short minutes after she had called. He already knew who it was when he picked up, and he heard her scream, he heard her beg. He'd never heard her beg like that, beg for her life. He practically flew to the apartment. The door was wide open. Drawing his gun, he went inside. He moved from the living room to the kitchen, and stopped in the bedroom. Stephanie layed in a puddle of her own blood, and a trail ran from the corner of her mouth. Ranger bent over and checked for a pulse. He thought he was too late.

"Ric..." Stephanie struggled to talk, but she did.

"God, Babe." Ranger was on his knees next to Stephanie, holding her head in his hands.

He gently lifted her off the ground and cradled her in his arms for a quick second before he loaded her into his truck. She had passed out on the way down the stairs. He tore out of the lot and in ten minutes flat, he was in the hospital parking lot.

Stephanie was in the ICU for a litte under a week. Dickie swung by one afternoon, and talked to Stephanie in private. Ranger didn't like it, but Dickie had only broken Stephanie's heart, not half the bones in her jaw. Mary Lou offered to take Stephanie home, and Ranger didn't complain. "It's for the best." He told himself.

---------------------------------------------------------

"He's gone too far." Mary Lou exclaimed.

"I thought that the restraining order would work." Stephanie said and downed the last of her pills.

"What are you going to do?" Mary Lou asked and took the glass of water out of Steph's shaking hand.

"What can I do...I have to kill him." Stephanie told her.

"You can't just go killing people. Especailly cops like Joe." Mary Lou's voice was high and squeaky.

"What do I have to loose?" Stephanie said impatiently and pulled her gun out of the back of her pants.

She kept it on her now, at all times. With no Ranger around for so long to protect her, she had to. And Joe, he was the biggest threat. Only because Stephanie probably wouldn't be able to bring herself to shoot him.

So the plan was arranged. Everything was sat in place, now all they needed was Joe.

--------------------------------------------------

"I'mm ccccolllddd." Stephanie rubbed her arms up and down her arms to warm herself up and looked at the frozen lake.

"Don't whine to me. You have a husband to kill, and then you can get all warm and cozy in the van" Mary Lou said in a hoarse whisper and shoved Stephanie back out into the clearing.

Stephanie couldn't believe she was doing this. She felt dirty, holding the wicker basket. A basket filled with everything you'd need to kill. A tubberware container filled with black eyes peas, mixed in a solution of dish soap and lighter fluid.

Underneath it was a bright blue tarp.

The plan was to poison Joe, and once he was dead, to wrap him in the tarp and sink him to the frozen depths of the small lake. Stephanie honestly didn't believe they could pull it off. Joe was too good of a cop. She was about to stop him when he brought a spoon full of peas to his mouth, but didn't. Her jaw still hurt, because of him. She was getting to know the ICU nurses on a first name basis.

"These are great Cupcake. What'd you do?" Joe asked after his third bite.

Stephanie gave a weak smile. "Trade Secret."

She finished her sandwich, which was entirely safe. Joe soon complained of a stomach ache. "If you hadn't have eaten so much, your stomach wouldn't hurt." Stephanie assured him and told him to rest in the truck for a minute or two.

Joe finally died, three minutes past four. Mary Lou dragged herself out of the bushes and admired her handywork. Stephanie swore she'd done this before. Stephanie let out a high pitched squeak as Mary Lou began to wrap Joe's dead body in the tarp.

"It's ok. He's gone now. The monster's gone." Mary Lou assured Stephanie and took a hold of Joe's cold ankles. "A litte help here?"

Stephanie crawled in the truck on the side opposite Joe and pushed on his shoulders until his body fell to the ground. Mary Lou was right, he was gone. With some effort, they pitched Joe into the lake. Stephanie watched him sink to the bottom with a smile on her face. She had just killed, yes, but she had rid the world of a menace.

The lake was so cold, that no one would find his body until it got warmer. And Joe's body would be nothing but bones.

------------------------------------------------------

Once she got settled back in Trenton, everything was fine. Eddie Gazarra came over with Dickie once to get the whole story on the restraining order violation. Mary Lou stayed over for long hours at a time, watching Tv and drinking a few beers and then going home. She'd be over the next morning at noon.

It was only until Mary Lou left that Ranger felt it was safe to adventure into Stephanie's new apartment. The owner of her other one came back, and Stephanie still didn't trust Joe's place. Too much had happened there.

Ranger broke in, like usual. She had a brand new set of locks put on her door. Much better than the old ones. But Ranger was acustomed to the easy enterance. Stephanie was sitting up in her bed when Ranger knocked on her door. With the new apartment, she had a great view of Trenton from her bed, staring out a big window. She didn't notice Ranger when he came in until he knocked.

"Babe, you want to talk?" Ranger took a seat on the foot of the bed.

"You know?" Stephanie stirred.

"Well, Joe's missing, that was a start. And two, he harassed you, which is more than enough reason to whack him. Thirdly, Mary Lou called me the night you came back into town and explained everything." Ranger folded his hands and put them in his lap.

"I feel like a serial killer now. Like I'm on the run." Stephanie scooted to the headboard.

Ranger followed her. "If you wouldn't have killed him, I would have. Trust me, it was the best way to go."

Stephanie did trust Ranger. In alot of ways. And even though she had just murdered her husband, Ranger still loved her as much as he did before she married Joe. Stephanie had just realized that, and leaned on Ranger's shoulder until she fell asleep.

----------------------------------------------------------

Stephanie woke up, sitting up in bed like she had fallen asleep. Ranger was gone, no doubt. Beside her, where he had been, was a stack of pillows to prop her up, and a short note.

You want to talk, I'll be a call away. Left breakfast for you, check the microwave.

The note wasn't signed or anything. Stephanie just knew it was Ranger without a doubt. She grimiced as she read the last sentence again. Breakfast? Ranger's idea of breakfast was tree bark covered in bugs. Stephanie got out of bed and ambled over to her new microwave. She closed her eyes and stabbed the button and the door swung open.

There was a piece of toast, and two eggs. To Stephanie's amazement, four pieces of sausage accompanied the eggs. Stephanie hastially closed the microwave and began to heat it up. She took a quick shower and dressed before returning to her breakfast. She looked around the kitchen. She swore that Ranger had made it for her at his own home and brought it. Her kitchen was spotless. Even the dust around the pans he used was undisturbed.

Stephanie munched on her toast and gnawed on the egg. She was finally ready to move on to the sausage when the phone rang. Who ever was calling her this early in the morning could wait. Stephanie let the answering maching pick it up.

"Stephanie, it's Mary Lou. Pick up the damn phone." Mary Lou sounded distressed.

"What?" Stephanie crossed the kitchen and snatched the phone off the wall.

"Trouble, big trouble." Mary Lou heaved.

"Trouble? What happened Mary Lou?" Stephanie was frantic now too.

"There's a search party out for Joe! They're going to search every lake from here to Texas! They'll find him and lock us up!" Mary Lou was whispering, and Stephanie assumed her children were in the room with her.

"Relax. Vinnie's a bondsman. And Ric's got a good lawyer." And Stephanie jammed the off button and disconnected.

She returned to her toast happily. Something, perhaps the way she woke up this morning, assured her that everything was fine now. No more worries. She washed her dishes and headed to the bathroom for a few final touches.

She pulled her hair up, and glanced at her ring for a second. She hadn't taken it off, not even after the divorce. And she didn't want to now.

She dropped her hair, and for once, didn't really care.

---------------------------------------------------------

Ranger was at the bonds office when Stephanie pulled up. He was sitting in the chair adjacent from Connie, who was scribbling the check for a very high FTA bond Ranger had probably just captured. He looked at Stephanie for a second, nodded, and left. Stephanie turned to follow him.

"Thanks for breakfast. How'd you do that?" She called to his back.

He turned around. "I do alot of things, you need to be more specific."

"Nothing was out of place, to the very smallest speck of dust." Stephanie shoved her hands in her pockets.

"Trade Secret." He kissed her lightly on the forehead and then unlocked his truck with the remote.

Stephanie lifted her left hand out of her pocket. She examined the ring for a second. Silently, she decided that it ment nothing to her. Ranger rolled down the passenger side window. "Problem's Babe?"

"Yeah." Stephanie pulled the ring off her finger and threw it into oncomming traffic. "That was one of them."

Ranger smiled. "Got any others I can help you with?"

"Actually yeah, I do." Stephanie jogged into the office, grabbed the stack of folders in the 'Plum' bin on Connie's desk and jogged back out.

She ripped the passenger door open and tossed the files into the empty middle seat before climbing in herself. "I don't know if I'm up to catching all these bad guys myself. You know, I just lost my husband."

"I can see that you're so devastated. Tell you what, since I'm such a nice guy, I'll make you a deal."

"Ut-oh." Stephanie groaned. The last deal they made envolved some quality time after dark.

"Ut-oh is right Babe." Ranger turned to her and flicked his finger off her nose. Stephanie scrunched her face up. "I can't think of anything bad enough to get me out of this that won't leave you emotionally scarred to life."

Stephanie sat back in her chair wearing a huge grin. Ranger grabbed the top file while stopped at a red light. "I know him." He said and made a u-turn and headed the opposite direction.

-----------------------------------------------

5 skips were collected, in total. That was the most Stephanie had ever turned in on one go. She had more than enough money to pay the rent, so she made a stop to the Quaker Bridge mall before going home.

She hit Macy's first, and fell inlove with a cute pair of shoes. They were baby pink with darker pink and purple hearts on the sides. Stephanie realized quickly after falling in love with them that she didn't have anything to match, and god forbid you owned a pair of shoes that didn't match.

After nearly an hour trying on different outfits, she settled on a swirly rose colored skirt and a streachy pink top. She breezed past the make up counter, and spotted a pink lipstick to match. Stephanie had never been the one for pink, but somethings you couldn't pass up.

The outfit was perfect for just about anything. A dinner date with Mary Lou, or an actual date with a man. Only, she believed she needed sexier underwear. Nothing was better for a woman's self-esteem than a really sexy pair of underwear.

Easily, Stephanie spent most of her earnings on her outfit. Victoria's Secret was the pink thong capital of Trenton. And if you were looking for underwear made up of dental floss, you would have found it there too.

-----------------------------------------------

Joe's search party gave up after a bitter week. The men all had colds and hope deminished. Joe was a missing person that nobody seemed to miss at all. Rumor going around the Burg was that he had violated his restraining order and then ran off before anyone could catch him.

Stephanie wore her pink outfit to the memorial service. She was cold and colorful, but she felt good. She couldn't manage to cry though. With the help or Mary Lou, the bruises were hidden with heavy make up. Half the Trenton police force showed up, each one as sullen as the next.

Stephanie turned to leave. She'd had enough. Too many tears. She headed for the parking lot, and noticed a figure in her passenger seat. She shook her head, and moved on.

"What brings you here?" She asked.

"Since you're so distraut over you're husband, I thought I'd swing by and see how you're doing." Ranger humor.

"Nice to know you care."

"I have, do and always will." Ranger nodded and exited the car.

Stephanie watched him amble over to his own truck through the fog on the window. She started the car and headed home.

Her hands were shaking when she got to her door. Her shoes were soggy with melted snow. Stephanie's first decision was to take a long, hot shower. She turned the water on and stuck her arm in until the spray was warm enough to stand. She steped in, and her world melted away.

No more Joe. No one cares to find him. No one, but Ranger and Mary Lou, knows she did it. In the middle of shampooing her hair, Stephanie saw a figure cross the bathroom. Dear God! RANGER!

"I do believe we had a deal." Ranger reached in and turned the water off.

"Ut-oh!" Stephanie yelped and tried to climb the tile wall.

"Ut-oh is right Babe." And with that, Stephanie was carried to her room, naked with suds in her hair.

THE END!

Real Lyrics

Mary Ann and Wanda were the best of friends

All through their high school days

Both members of the 4-H club, both active in the FFA(Future Farmers of America)

After graduation, Mary Ann went out, looking for a bright new world.

Wanda looked all around this town, and all she found was Earl.

Well it wasn't two week's after she got married that Wanda started gettin' abused.

She put in dark glasses, long sleeved blouses and make up to cover her bruise

She finnaly got the nerve to file for divorce

She let the law take it from there

But Earl walked right through that restraining order and put her in intensive care.

Right away Mary Ann, who went from Atlanta, caught a red-eye midnight filght

She held Wanda's hand as they worked out a plan, and it didn't take them long to decide...

THAT EARL HAD TO DIE!

(na na na na naaaaaaa)

Good-bye Earl

(na na na na naaaaaaa)

Those black eyes peas, they tasted alright to meee, Earl

(na na na na naaaaaaa)

You feeling weak, why dont you lay down and sleep, Earl

(na na na na naaaaaaa)

Aint it dark, wraped up in that tarp, Earl

(na na na na naaaaaaa)

The cops came by to bring Earl in, they searched the house high and low.

And they tipped their hats and said thank you ladies, if you hear from him, let us know

Well the weeks went by and Spring turned to Summer and Summer faded into Fall

And it turns out he was a missing person that nobody missed at all

So the girls bought some land and a road-side stand down Highway 109

They sell Tennessee Ham and Strawberry Jam and they don't loose any sleep at night,

CUZ EARL HAD TO DIE!

(na na na na naaaaaaa)

Good-bye Earl

(na na na na naaaaaaa)

We need a break, lets go out to the lake, Earl.

(na na na na naaaaaaa)

We'll pack a lunch, and stuff you in the trunk, Earl.

(na na na na naaaaaaa)

Well is that alright? Good lets got for a ride Earl.

Prev Reviews

Lour - I don't think Steph would really kill Joe, but I liked it anyway.

ZoeyKitty- evil laugh. hehehe! that was great! lol! hehe!


	4. Harder Eight Written Oct15th

(taken directly from page 301 of Hard Eight, in a different perspective)

"Did you just get out of a cab?" I asked when Stephanie barreled through the door to the office.

"Maybe."

I was smiling ear to ear. She was knee deep in a trench full of crap, yet her life was as funny as stuffing 12 clowns into a volkswagon. "You went after a FTA in a cab."

I watched her hands run through her hair and then settle on her gun. "Don't give me a hard time. I'm not having a good day, and as you know, I've got two bullets left. I might end up using them on one of us."

Clearly her day was shot to hell. "Do you need a ride home?"

"Yes." She said in a sigh.

"I'm your man," I said and turned around.

I could sence Connie and Lula were fanning themselves behind me. I didn't bother to turn around.

Steph climed into the truck and started looking around. "Are you looking for someone?"

I already knew the answer. "Abrunzzi. He threatened me again."

"Do you see him?"

"No."

It wasn't long before I turned into her apartment building. I pulled into the lot and parked. Using my "super-bat" senses, I notice one more car in the lot than there should have been. "There's a man in the SUV by the Dumpster. Do you know him?"

"No. He doesn't live in the building."

We both got out of the truck. I walked over to the SUV with Stephanie close at my heel. I raped on the window.

It rolled down and a greasy haired face poped out. "Yeah?"

"Waiting for someone?" I asked calmly.

"What's it to you?"

That did it. I didn't feel like getting blood on my new jacket, but this guy was pushing it. I reached in and grasped a handful of his jacked and lifted him halfway through the window. "I'd like you to take a message to Eddie Abrunzzi, can you do that for me?"

The driver nodded and I could feel him shaking. I let go of him and stepped back. "Tell Abrunzzi he's lost the war, and that he should move on."

I didn't realize I had drawn my gun. Neither did Stephaine. I locked mine on the back tire and folowed it until it was out of sight. I changed my glance to her window. More likely than not, the SUV was a watch. "We're going to stand here for a minute to give the rest of the tem time to geet out of your apartment." I smiled. "I don't want to shoot anybody. I'm on a tight schedule today. I don't want to get hung up on police forms."

I let five minutes pass before I felt it was safe to go in. I made her take the stairs. We made our way down the hall. Hector's keypad told us that the secruity had been breached. I did a quick walkthrough and discovered the apartment was empty. I turned to leave and then the phone rang. I hit the speakerphone button and Abrunzzi's angry voice said, "Stay out of this. This is a private matter between the girl and me."

"Wrong. As of this moment, you are out of her life."

"So, you're choosing sides?"

"Yeah, I'm chosing sides."

"You leave me no choice then. I suggest you look out the window, into the parking lot." And he disconected.

I crossed the room and pulled the curtains back. The SUV rolled back into the parking lot and pitched a package into my Bug-Truck. It instantly caught on fire. Stephanie came up behind me. She was getting used to torched veichles. I was not. Police sirens got closer, and I asumed Morelli wouldn't be far behind.

"I liked that truck" I muttered.

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(written by me)

Morelli did indeed show up. I finished with the police paperwork and nodded slightly. He returned the nod and stood closer to Steph. They had their words, and she left carrying his keys and his money. He ambled over to me.

"She's going for pizza." He said when he was close enough. "That Abrunzzi's work?"

He looked past me onto the flatbed truck, with the remains of my Ford.

"Yeah. Speaking of..."

"Kill him." I usually didn't like being cut off, but Morelli's action stunned me.

"Excuse me?"

"You're a mercenary. Kill him. He's hurt too many people to deserve to live."

I smiled and leaned on remaining cars in the lot. "Never imagined hearing that from a cop."

"I'm playing the role of scared boyfriend. I'm not officially a cop until 8." He joked and leaned beside me on the rusty truck.

He called in two large pizzas, both pepproni. I dialed Tank and told him to keep a sharp eye on Stephanie.

My heart stoped when he called back. "Boss, her trucks here, but she isn't."

"WHAT!" I screamed.

Joe wigged out beside me, sliding off the hood and catching himself before he hit the ground.

"She's gone. I checked everywhere." He explained.

I disconected and pulled Morelli with me. I ran to my Mercedes, which had been brought to me courtesy of Lester, and jerked the door open. Morelli angled in next to me, his face showing every pain he ever had.

"She's missing." I said and put the car in gear.

On a good day, it takes ten minutes to get from Stephaine's apartment to Pino's. I know, I've timed it. Today, at 6:23, it took under five. I pulled into the lot and hit the brakes. The car fishtailed a little, and I stopped a good three inches from Tank's back bumper. He was sitting on the crub and looked scared. It took a lot to scare Tank.

"Sorry Ric." He said when he got up.

"Where could she be? Here's the damn truck!" Morelli had begun pacing and took a moment to kick the front tire of his truck before contiuing.

I shook my head. Lord only knew what Abrunzzi would do before he got around to killing her.

Hector pulled into the lot in a black SUV. He asked me what I wanted him to do about her door, in spanish, of course.

I told him I'd think about it later and sent him off. From out of no where came two bright headlights. A van. The van parked next to Morelli's truck. A crazy-haired Valerie was sitting behind the wheel. She jumped out of the drivers side, and lo and behold, the Bombshell Bounty Hunter fell out of the other.

"Thank god." Tank said under his breath.

(somewhat from the book)

"He's in Pennsylvania." Stephanie said catching her breath."In a house on a dirt road.He would have killed me, but Valerie drove the van into the house and somehow we got out."

I knew where she was talking about from past experience. I had dealt with Abrunzzi before. Valerie was rambling on. Hector cut the girls free.

"How do you want to do this?" Morelli asked me.

I looked at Stephanie for a minute. Would she forgive me for killing someone, even if it benefitted her? "Take Steph and Valerie home."

Morelli loaded them into his truck and headed for home. I dismissed Tank and Hector, promising to yell at Tank when all was taken care of. I headed to Pennsylvania.

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(back to pure imagination)

The trip to the dirt road was quiet. Of course it was, I was alone. I sat in the driveway for a second, and then pulled the gun from under my seat. I checked for bullets, which was unnecessary but crucial. I screwed on a silencer. I took a deep breath and headed inside.

His locks were low grade. I popped it easily and entered. He was sitting on the couch, beer bottles scattered everywhere.

"Dear lord." He said and jumped up when he saw me.

"Anything you'd like me to put in your will?" I asked calmly and raised my gun.

He shook his head and pulled a Colt from his back pocket. I fired carelessly, hitting a lamp.

"Fool." He laughed and fired.

The bullet caught me mid-chest. I stumbled backwards and knocked the gun from his grasp. I pushed him back against the wall and said a little prayer in spanish. I pulled the trigger.

Blood and...brains... shot up the wall. He gasped for air and then fell to the floor. His eyes were white and emotionless. He was dead. I called Morelli and told him the deed had been done. I packed Abrunzzi up and fished his keys out of his pocket.

I drove to a little farmers market and stranded the car there. Abrunzzi was layed on the front seat, my gun in his right hand. I scraped the guts off the wall with a butter knife, and smeared them on the roof and headrest. Morelli was going to pick me up, I was guessing as a friendly gesture. He hadn't shown up yet, so I took the time to write a suicide note.

Morelli pulled up just as I stuck the note on Mr. Abrunzzi. He hovered over my shoulder. "Nice touch with the note."

"Yeah, I know."

Morelli motioned me over to his truck. I got in, and he drove us home to Trenton.

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I let myself into the famous "Batcave." It was cold and dark, like usual. I fipped on the hallway light and drug myself to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, and looking at my reflection, decided I should go to bed.

I pulled the covers up to my waist and looked out the window. The moon shone brightly. I looked at it, amazed in all its glory. Maybe Stephanie was looking at it too.

Stephanie was looking at it too. She woke up with Morelli's phone. He said he'd be back. Stephanie lie awake eversince he left, waiting for him to come back. The moonlight brought one realization to her head. She didn't love Joe anymore. She loved Ranger, or whoever he was.

She heard Joe on the steps, and faked a sleep. He chuckled and crawled in next to her. A tear drop fell down he cheek. Did Ranger love her back?

Previous Reviews:

**Lour** -Very,very good. Hard Eight has been one of my favorites so far.

**Atush**-Interesting change from what JE wrote. Are you going to continue this one?  
  
It's fun to try and think what happens behind the scenes, particularly with this one. Don't think the butter knife and brains thing would pass a phorensics test, but my guess is Joe would help with that. We await your next.

**Zoeykitty**-great job! this is fab! lol! sad... but i think ranger loves her back! lol!


	5. With Me by LONESTAR Written Nov3rd

**With Me-Lonestar**

_Sometimes I fell just like I'm a fly in a soup(oh)_

_Sometimes I fell like I'm on top of the heap_

_Sometimes I fell like I'm the king of a castle_

_Sometimes I fell like just a bump on the street_

I saw a shooting star. From my position, you couldn't have missed it. I watched some more, counting. 12...13...14, 15...16. I felt a gentle grasp on my hand, and I twisted my head.

A set of chocolate eyes were staring me down. I caught a 17th star pass in his eyes. I blinked a few time, and recieved the full 1000-watts. I snuggled closer, so close the only thing that would get us apart was surgery. Or Tank, which ever came first.

But chances of that were slim. Ranger sorta "snuck out" of the office and we took the first chance we could. I never imagined a 7 hour drive to Maine would be this wonderful.

_(chorus)_

_When you're with me, I feel like singing_

_It's like I'm swinging the whole planet on the end of my chain_

_Oh when you kiss me, my head starts spinnin'_

_It's like you're sendin' the adrenelin straight to my brain_

_And it feels right as rain, all my worries wash away_

_When you're with me_

I felt like a teenager again. I remember sneaking boyfriends in and snuggleing with them, not like this, on my bed and hope I wouldn't get caught. I never did, thankfully.

I took a deep breath of fresh air. Last time I had it this good, I was on a ventalator at the hospital after my last attemt to fly. I was nine, too. The porch light reflected off the lake. The only light, with the exception of the moon, which couldn't have been perfecter.

_You are a lazy summer day on a porch swing_

_You are a night running wild on the town_

_My red Ferarri racing me down a back street_

_My pick-me-up when I'm a little bit down_

_No matter where I go, whatever dice I roll, baby this I know_

Amazingly, in the last three days we had behaved ourselves. We spent most of our time out here.

There had been a boat tied up on the dock when we had first pulled up. He untied the knot and helped me in. The cabin was secluded. And he wasn't lying. The cabin was on a square of land, surrouded by trees, the trees surrounded by a lake.

There were a few separate rooms in the cabin itself, along with a kictchen, living room, and 20 square foot bathroom. There was a shed attatched to the kitchen where there sould have been a garage. But seening as it would take nothing short of God to get a truck on the "island", it was a shed.

I was taught how to catch a fish, gut a fish, cook a fish, and then I was forced to eat it. I was never fond of fish, but it took on a whole new meaning when I had cooked it myself. I did testing too, diping it in catsup, hot sauce, ranch dressing, mustard and many other condiments that I couldn't keep down.

_(chorus)_

_When you're with me, I feel like singing_

_It's like I'm swinging the whole planet on the end of my chain_

_Oh when you kiss me, my head starts spinnin'_

_It's like you're sendin' the adrenelin straight to my brain_

_And it feels right as rain, all my worries wash away_

_When you're with me_

I learned alot about the man of mystery. His favorite color was orange. He was the bag boy at the corner grocery store until he joined the Rangers. His daughter was named Elizabeth, and he saw her once every month for a single weekend, usually the weekends he had a job some place else. That explained the sudden dissapearences.

He was born in '68, making him 36, 3 years older than me. His birthday, strangely, was the exact same day as Grandma Mazur's. I didn't have the heart to tell him that, though. Some secrets were best left secret.

Ranger rolled over, quickly pinning me to the wet grass with two arms framing my shoulders and his knees on either side of my hip. I closed my eyes, and he leaned closer and kissed the bridge of my nose. I took it upon myself to reach up and rub his ribs softly, which is where I learned he was tickilish.

I could hear a cell phone ring from inside the house. With a bigger grin than with which he started with, he climbed off of me and answered it.

"Yo." He said, and stepped back ouside.

Something was said on the other side, and I could see Ranger wince in the shadows. "Needed a break."

"Where are you!" I heard Tank grouch over the line.

"That's for me to know, and maybe one day, you'll find out." Ranger smirked back.

"Where's bombshell?" Tank demanded. I was a little shocked that he even noticed I was missing.

"With me." Ranger said, slammed the phone shut, and tossed it into the lake.


	6. Insatiable Written Oct 12th

**1-year ago...**

"EDDIE!" Shirley screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Honey, please stop yelling. You're scaring the other patients." Eddie pleaded.

He was sitting on an inflatable doughnut. He shifted uncomfortably trying to keep the weight off his right butt cheek. Scratch quick draw in an elevator off his list of things to do. The gun had discharged and bounced off the steel wall and lodged itself in his hind end.

"Ok Mr. Gazarra, you're free to go home now." The doctor's head peaked around the curtain.

Eddie winced in pain as he stood. His wife grabbed his jacket and a few other things they took out of his pockets. He followed them and accepted the painkillers the doctor offered him. Shirley cut angry looks at him every few steps, but remained silent until they reached the car.

"Why were you playing with you're gun like that? Don't you know there dangerous?" She screeched and opened the door for him.

"Honey, I know that. I've killed people with this gun. Stop treating me like you do Mikey." He placed the doughnut on the seat in front of him and squished into the seat of the Sedan.

The Gazarra's had three small boys. Stephanie Plum had learned long ago not to underestimate them. Their names were Mark, Anthony and Michael. Mike was 8, Mark was 12, and Anthony, the baby, was 3. Speaking of the boys..."Where are the kids?" Eddie asked

"Staying with Helen." She was very angry with her husband.

"Shirley, I shouldn't have been screwing with my gun." He said, making a very promising puppy face. "My and the boys got bored, and the gun discharged. Nothing was my fault. It wasn't even my gun!"

"If you were bored, you could have counted the clouds or talked football." She said, turning into the Burg. "Promise me you won't do that again."

"Promise." Eddie said.

The sun had set long ago, but her boys were still in the small front yard of the Plum's house tossing a foam dog ball at each others head. The car stoped and both parents steped out.

"DADDY!" Anthony screamed at the top of his lungs and crossed the yard at top speed.

He leaped at Eddie and grabbed at the back of his pants. Anthony managed to grab a hold of the bandage holding the stitches together. Eddie screamed in pain and everyone fell silent.

"Careful Buddy. That's where I was hit." He said, gingerly rubbing his butt and shooing his child off.

"Say thank you to Aunt Helen and Uncle Frank guys. Load up!" Shirley pushed the boys into the house.

They returned after a full round of hugs and crawled into the back seat. Eddie had already seated himself and had fallen asleep, his head propped on the window.

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**Current Time**

"Ed?" Shirley whispered as Eddie opened his eyes.

The throbbing in his head and shoulder was terrible. Shirley was sitting in a plastic chair that had been moved beside the bed. She grasped his hand and leaned on his chest.

"Can I get any more morphine?" He asked.

"No. You can tell me why you broke your promise!" Shirley's face was beet red and if she kept frowning like that, she would need major Botox.

"Honey, I was chasing a dangerous fugitive. Steph was with me!" Eddie tried to sit up, and then realized he was strapped across the chest and knees to a hospital bed.

"You should have let someone else do it!"

"I can't! They don't pay me to let someone else do it!"

This was a full-blown argument. Eddie was again, in a hospital, in a room with two other men, both with gunshot wounds. The men had tattoos all over their body, and one was too drunk to realize he was shot. "Man you're in deep trouble." The sober man said from the peanut gallery.

"Shut up!" Eddie and Shirley yelled in unison.

"I thought my cousin was a bounty hunter. Why was she with you?" Shirley lowered her voice.

"The fugitive was FTA, and remember how she saw the devil guy? She recognized him and called it in. She decided she was still going to pursue him, even when I got there. I pulled in front of her, and then the SUV stopped. Shots were fired, and they drove off. Thank the lord Stephanie was there too." Eddie's voice was full of remorse.

And he had broken one of the most important promises of his life. Right up they're next to his conformation and wedding vows. He'd gotten shot again; this time was not as lucky as last. Last time, he did a lot of shoe shining to get his wife to talk to him again. Lord only knows what he'd have to do to make it up.

"You have a lot of butt kissing to do." She said, unlaced their fingers and left.

The doctor cranked the knob on the morphine and Eddie passed out.

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Three little voices wafted in the distance. Eddie opened his eyes and looked around the room. Michael and Anthony were standing by the drunk man, now angry with a hangover, admiring his old drug wounds and colorful tattoos of half naked, big-busted women. Mark had taken a seat where his mother had sat the night before.

Eddie had to admire how grown up Mark had gotten. Now a sophomore in high school and on the verge of getting his permit, he looked like his father. Michael wasn't far behind him, in his first year in junior high and little Anthony just started kindergarten.

"Hey pop, how you feeling?" Mark asked.

"Been better." Eddie felt closer to Mark than he had with any other friend on the planet.

Mark handed Eddie a glass of water and three pills, each the diameter of a dime and the color of dog vomit. "The doctor told me to give these to you."

Eddie swallowed them with a little difficulty. All the medication and the tubing that had been pushed down his thought had made it swollen and sore.

"Mom's really ticked off at you."

"I know. Any clue how to fix that?"

"Flowers for starters."

A man had to be desperate to get advice on marriage from his teenage son. It brought a smile to Eddie's face.

"You guys ready to go?" Shirley called as she entered the room.

The boys tore away from the half-dead man (or, that's at least what he smelled like) and gave their dad a kiss and walked out, discussing guns and tattoos. Shirley walked over, kissed Eddie lightly on the nose and followed her sons.

Damn! Eddie brought his hand up and hit himself on the forehead.

"Edward Gazarra?" A small female nurse came in.

"Yeah?"

"You can go home now." She handed him his clothing, all washed and folded.

He pulled the curtain and changed. He did his best to fold the thin little blankets and layer the gown on top. He said good-bye and wished his roomies the best of luck and left. As he passed the gift shop, he saw a bouquet of flowers that made him stop in his trackes. To many, it probably wasn't much, but the arrangement had light orange roses and white carnations. The same flowers they had at their wedding.

After buying the flowers, a small box of chocolates and super-pain killers, he was ready to rock and roll. He swung by the cop shop to tell his boss he wasn't going to work for a few days, but he was just fine. He rented Ghostbusters, American Wedding and a kiddie flick he was sure his children had never seen before.

He did a few small errands, avoiding the house. He wanted everything to be perfect. Nothing says you're truly sorry than being perfect. At a quarter till three, every possible chore had been taken care of. He got a replacement lightbulb for the garage light, a few supplies to fix the squeeky stair in their two story house. He got a box of bullets and had a super saftey put on his colt. He would be better off to shoot himself dead then to have one of the chilren accidently shoot the door or something. The bus for the elementary school drove by, and Eddie looked at all the cheerful faces.

He followed the bus and pulled to the curb a few houses away from his own. Up the street, Mark walked home with the little freshman neighbor boy. He broke out in a run when he saw his dad.

"What's up? I thought you were still in Wound Care?" Mark had a worried frown streached across his face.

"Was. Now, do you think these flowers would work?" He asked, pulling a pearl white victorian vase filled with the flowers he got.

Mark's face lit up. The boy was smart enough to know his mother would fall over dead at the sight. He walked around the front of the car and offered the neighbor a ride four houses. The kid found this extremely funny and declined the offer. He said it wasn't that much trouble to walk twelve yards.

"Mom, I'm home. I have a friend over, can he stay?" Mark asked when he let himself through the door.

"Sure. Do you kids want a snack?" Shirley bustled into the room and then stoped.

Eddie was standing in the middle of the foyer, balancing the flowers in ont hand, and holding everything else behind his back. Mark side steped around his father, snickering, wheeling his younger brother out of the room.

"Eddie." Shirley looked shocked at first, then upset, and then overjoyed.

Eddie flashed the biggest smile the stitches in his face would allow him.

"I'm....Eddie you..." She struggled to get her words out

"You're happy?"Eddie questioned, taking a step toward his confounded wife.

"Not yet." She walked the short distance and kissed him. Mark returned and took the flowers and the Blockbuster bag from his dad and left them alone again.

Eddie kissed Shirley again, running his hands up and down her sides. She glanced at her watch. Mike was due home in a few minutes. His big brother would let him in. They made their way up to the bedroom and you know the way the story goes from there.

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They rolled out of bed about an hour later, both on the same page. Eddie made another promise, one more specific. "I wont get shot at while off call." He whispered in her ear.

"Fine." She said, untwisting herself from the sheets to get dressed and start dinner.

"Satisfied?" Eddie asked, eyeballing the spot where his wife would have been.

"I don't want you shot period." She said, pulling a pair of Eddie's sweatpants out of the drawer and tossing them at him playfully.

"Your insatisable." He chuckled and dressed.

He wandered down stairs, stepping on the squeaky step twice. It squeaked each time. "Time to fix you!" Eddie growled and looked up. Mark had a Home Depot bag in one hand and Eddie's keys hanging off one finger. He winked at his father and the both opened the boxes to begin fixing the steps.

!-Thats then end. This is my first challenge so excuse if I messed up. I say that alot, but I know I have somewhere in this short story. Hope you liked it enough for me to continue.-Esentrik0-!

Previous Reviews:

REF: Cute :)  
You got the whining part pretty right!


	7. Knight In Shining Armor Written Oct 21s...

Challenge: #45 In disguise

Name: Esentrik0

Title: Knight in Shining Armor

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: It'd help if you read 10, slight spoilers.

"Babe, I'm sorry." Ranger begged.

"Ric, thats not fair!" I cried back.

"Quierda," He looked at me sternly but a grin was spread across his face. "I promise I'll be back by midnight."

I made a puppy dog face, sticking my lower lip out as far as I could. "Now that," He said, kissing what he could of my upper lip, "is not fair."

"Fine. Midnight." I sulked.

He shook his head and muttered something about me being impossible. Then with another quick kiss, he left the office.

"Damn Skippy." Lula said.

"What?" I snapped.

"Someone's not happy." Connie piped in.

Yes someone wasn't happy! My first Haloween with Ranger. Haloween was my favorite holiday of all time. The leaves on the trees were turning orange, the weather nice; no too cold, not to hot. You could pretend to be anyone for one, single night. AND HE HAD TO WORK!

Not just any work, mind you. Chasing a FTA which in his file said, "weilds butcher knife" in big, bold, point 16 font. Ranger was a big dude, but a butcher knife can do real damage if you're not careful. I don't know why I even bothered trying to fight him on it. We both knew that if he didn't go tonight, he might never catch ol' Monty Conenlini. Ric never said anything, but my ESP was getting stronger.

I left the office feeling grumpy. You just can't take away a costume party away from me like that. Ok, so I could still go, but I would be no fun at all. Catwoman needs a Batman. I started my little car. It was a tomato red Dodge Intrepid. Just perfect for my budget. It was used, of course, but it ran well for six whole weeks.

The same amount of time I'd been "dating" batman. Being married to the man still scared me. I looked at my ring. A whole 20 karats, three diamonds set in the gold. They didn't stick out too much. They curved around the ring. And they didn't get caught in things. I thought it was perfect the second it was on my finger.

One, entire year ago. Tonight at midnight, we would celebrate our first anniversary. In our honor, Sally had set up a anniversary costume party at Willie's for us. The "spiciest" club in town (as Grandma Mazur put it).

Oh boy!

I drove home. I had nowhere else to go. I pulled out of Trenton, off to the Bat-Kingdom. The gates had a R and a M in cast iron. For awhile, Tank thought it was funny and put up a cardboard S and P underneath it with duct tape. That lasted untill the sprinkler broke and it got too soggy and fell off.

I punched in the code and the gate slid open and I followed the tree-lined street to the garage. A 4-car garage with a Bug-Truck, a Porshe, a motorbike and an empty space for me. All the other cars were black, so the red was quite a sight. I let myself into the house. It scaned my hand and beeped to signal I was granted clearence.

I threw my keys into the ceramic bowl on the entry table. They landed with a chink. I pulled off my sweater and folded it neatly on the arm of the couch. From the kitchen, I could hear Rex going around on his wheel. He liked it here.

So did I. The best part was the multi-headed shower. Ranger had an infinate amount of hot water, and a shower massage overhead, and two mounted on each adjacent wall. I took a quick relaxing shower, and I was soon joined. "When'd you get home?"

"Came to get clean and make sure you knew knew I didn't forget."

"I knew you didn't forget. But it's still not fair. I can't be Catwoman if there's no Batman!"

"Babe, they'll be another Haloween."

I grunted and snuggled into Ranger. I had gotten over the sharing-a-shower thing long ago. Everytime I took one, so did he for the first three months. I was enjoying this, until his cell phone began to ring in the back pocket of his jeans outside the shower. Ranger kissed the back of my neck and stepped out. He returned the call, dressed and left to save a third world country.

I finished my shower not long after. I droped onto the bed, with only my towel on. Hanging in the doorway of the walk-in closet was the identical costumes. They wern't spandex like the other costumes. They were originals too. Mary Lou made them, the homework for her sowing class.

I had spent hours with her, taking and retaking measurements. I was poked with a pin so many time, I was beginning to think I was immune to it. Batman's was a bit more difficult bacause he wouldn't sit still long enough to be poked. In under two months, they were sitting in the closet, waiting for this night.

Wahoo. I decided I needed to make sure I hadn't gained weight and wouldn't fit into it. I slipped it on, and t fit perfectly. Guess all that running was good for me.

I looked at the clock. I had an hour and a half. With over 400 channels, I could find something.

--------------------------------------------

The room was packed. Willie's had only been open for a mere fiveteen minutes, and already it smelled like sweaty spandex. I ran into alot of people. Mooner and Douggie, both wearing homemade Captain Kirk suits, arguing over whose was better. I couldn't decide, so I told them they were both perfect.

Sally had on a electric blue sequin dress with a scream mask pulled over his head. I caught a glimpse of him, banging his head to his guitar, and decided to avoid him. Lula was there, and god only knows what she was going as.

But no one entirely special, like say, Ranger.

I took a seat at the bar next to a guy in a funny pink rabbit suit. I didn't ask, so I tiped my chair to the left so my back was turned on the rabbit. I hated rabbits ever since the Abrunzzi stuff awhile back.

"Can I get you anything?" The bartender asked.

I waived him away. I was a cheep drunk, and if I started now, I'd have a hangover untill spring. Song after song, dance after dance, I watched the crowd. What a way to spend your anniversary, or Haloween for that matter.

"You look lost." Said a stranger.

The stranger was big. But friendly. In a full suit of armor, helmet and all. He sat down next to me, more like leaned on the seat. "Pain to sit in this thing. If I can, I can't get up." The brittish accent was highly noticable.

I smiled and laughed a little. My mood brightened. The bartender came back, got Knigh's order, and asked for mine. I look a hard lemonaide and a glass of water. A few minutes later, a frosted beer and lemonaide slid across the table. I took a sip of the lemonaide, and realized it was really strong in the hard area. I mixed it with the water untill I was happy.

Knight watched me, not touching his beer. "I'm a cheep drunk and I have all night to go."

It was his turn to laugh. It echoed through the grills on the helmet. He lifted the hood and took a hearty swig of the beer. I looked around it, trying to find a face, but all I saw was a black mask.

"Cheater." He said and the beer hit the table.

"Can't help it. Genetics."

We talked, drank, and bobbed our heads to the good songs. The feather on his helmet was a burgandy color, and swayed too and fro with each word he spoke.

After an hour or so, I stood up. "My butt's asleep."

"You share that with everyone?" Knight asked and struggled up.

"No."

We had already been over that fact that I was married. He had been married too, and had a daughter in another state that was going to be a teenager in November. He worked for a law firm outside of Trenton, and was visiting on buisness.

"You wanna dance?" He asked

"Can you?" I eyed the suit.

"I can try, but I won't do it alone. I'd feel like an idiot." His suit clanged as he laughed again.

"Blame it on the beer," I said grabbing his plated hand. "Sure."

He danced pretty well with his disadvantage. Not on a level like Ranger, who I had tried with once or twice and both of us had ice on our toes the morning after. Another big fella tapped Knight on the shoulder. "Hey, how's it goin'?" He asked Knight

The newest big guy was dressed in a big furry suit. He had the cat-in-the-hat top hat on, and his face was powder white. He smiled and tipped the hat. "Take it easy on him. He's not much of a partier." With that, he pounded a fist on Knight's head and walked back into the crowd.

After the third consecutive dance, Knight was having a rough time standing. I half-walked, half-dragged him over a bar stool. "This...damn...thing...is...heavy..." He heaved.

"Take it off. The helmet atleast." I said and ordered him another beer.

"Can't. I lost a bet. I have to wear it all night."

"Lucky you." I smiled and passed him his beer and sat down in the adjacent seat.

Rabbit man was long gone. He got so drunk, he knocked over one of the guitarist, and was thrown out. Me and Knight did more talking and laughing and joking. My watch beeped and I checked it. 10:00.

"I should be home. My husband'll be there soon." I said and grabbed my bag.

"You wouldn't mind giving me a lift would ya? I really don't think I should be driving." Yeah, I realized that after his 5th beer got switched for a big-ass margarita.

"No problem. I'm not good with directions though."

Knight got up and stumbled a little bit. "I can get you there. I'm not that drunk."

I smiled and walked him to my car.

He turned me into a little road a block or two from Morelli's house. I stopped outside and waited for him to get out.

"Wanna come in?" He asked.

"I really shouldn't. Ric'll probably be home."

"Come on. Is the knight suit really that big of a turn off?"

This was not the conversation a married woman should be having with a man other than the one who bought the ring around her finger.

"I LOVE RANGER! He'd never forgive me whe he found out. I'd never forgive myself. And I'd feel like Dickie all over again. I won't to that. To either of us." I said and made sure my foot was on the gas. I was ready to go.

The door was pulled back open and kight squished back into the seat. "Then take me home princess."

The accent was gone. I stared at Knight. "What?"

None of it all made sence untill the helmet was removed. Sweat matted his hair down and rolled off his nose. His face was flushed. Never had I seen his face so flushed.

I had seen the face though. Just recently, I'd seen the face. The face I married.

"Babe?"

I realized I was staring, and the Intrepid was idiling in the middle of the street. "Testing me, Ric?" I asked sweetly and pulled the car on the main street.

"Yeah Babe."

"How'd I do?" I stopped at the corner light.

He turned my head so I could face his. There was a long, deep kiss. It lasted untill the cars behind us began to honk. The light had turned green. I gunned it home.

"Go take a shower. You smell." I said, shoving his sore, plated body towards the stairs.

"No fair." He said and lunged at me.

We played this game alot. I had gotten off the see-think-react phase, and moved right on to the see-react one. Only this one, I reacted too slowly. He caught my wrist and pulled me into his arms. The metal was cold from the air conditioner in my car. I hadn't yet switched to the heater, it just wasn't that cold yet.

He carried me to the bathroom, where piece by piece he pulled off the knight suit. It hit the floor in a pile. "That was heavy." He complained and begain working on my wardrobe.

I was completely naked, my clothing tossed into the sink. He was still wearing a drenched white t-shirt and a pair of pumpkin boxers. I steped over, kissing him on the chin. He looked down at me and I ran my hands under his shirt. In a flash, I pulled down and caught the waist band of the boxers and they fell to his knees.

I switched the water on and pulled him in. Usually such a task took a lot of effort on my part, but his body ached bacause of the added 50 pounds.

The shower lasted longer than any shower I'd ever taken in my life. Even when I dumpster-dived for Morelli's keys it didn't take as long. I smelled like rotten fish for days, after taking two incredibly long showers. My stomached growled. It hadn't been fed since 3 o'clock, since me and Ric agreed we'd wait untill tonight.

He smiled and steped out of the shower. I shampooed my hair and rinsed it quickly and shut the water. Ranger was ringing out his shirt, which was still on him when I pulled him in. The towel was tied loosely around his waist.

"Don't even think about it." He warned

"I wasn't!" I said defensivly and put my hands in the air. I pulled on one of Ranger's shirts and a pair of sweatpants, forgetting underwear since it wouldn't be on long after dinner.

-------------------------------------------

I didn't to extremely bad. Nothing was burnt badly, and everything jiggled if it was suposed to and held firm when it wasn't. The best meal I ever conjured up, even though Ranger stood over my shoulder the entire time.

Sex wasn't bad either. Married one year, and it still had the same magic it did the night of our honeymoon; minus the beach and the yacht.

"You certiainlly are. A. Knight. In. Shining. Armor." I said before falling asleep in his arms, for the 364th night in a row.

He never failed to be home, and when he went away on buisness, I went too. I didn't trust the "I've gotta work late" excuse because it had been a lie everytime I heard it and Ranger knew and respected that. So he made sure I'd never worry whose bed his boots were under. (He He He, country-music fan humor...)

Prev:

Connie: somehow, I really don't find it romantic that he felt the need to test her that way. :-(

Jersygirl: That was great! I love the humor in your story!

I-forgot-my-name: i love it, really really good


	8. All A Dream Written Nov 11th

Name-Esentrik  
Challenge-#50 Family Reunion  
Rating-Pg  
Spoiler-None

"You little brat. Get that out of your nose or I'll put the _eye_ on you!" Grandma Bella reached a bony finger across the dinner table to a small little italian boy. 

The little boy quickly pulled the grape out of his nose and stared at the old lady with big pleading eyes, begging for forgiveness. Grandma Bella narrowed her eyebrows, and then lifted her fork to the turkey. The little boy whiped the grape off with the napkin in his lap and ate it.

"Jeremy, that's disgussssting!" Yelled a little girl from across the table.

"No it's not. It my boogers." The boy spat back. 

"Both of you. Not at the table." Joe yelled. 

"_That's icky._" The girl whispered to Jeremy from behind her spoon. 

"_Nuh-uh_" Jeremy retorted just as quietly 

"Unph-un." The girl chanted back with a spoonfull of mashed potatoes in her mouth. 

"Both of you, listen to your father. You're giving me a headache." I told them, and looked at him. Joe looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel. 

"But that's nasty. He put the grape up his nose and then he ate it!" The little girl whailed and pointed. 

"I whiped it off first." Jeremy said and pulled a frest grape off his plate. 

"Casey, come here." Joe pointed to the empty seat next to him that sat her far away from her brother as possible. 

She grabbed her plate and obediantly sat next to her daddy. "_Duley's got something green on his shirt._" She whispered to me as she passed. 

Sure enough, her fiveteen week old brother had pea gook on his nice white shirt. It was a miricle that he was eating the peas. Had more of a decent appetite that his mother, huh? 

I took my napkin and rubbed off what I could. I refolded the napkin in my lap, and looked over at Jeremy just in time to catch him flick a piece of corn at Casey. I sternly kicked him under the table to catch his attention. I got it, and he smiled innocently when he looked at me. Just like his father. 

Joe poured himself another glass of wine, and nudged my shoulder with the bottle. With his sign language, he offered to pour me a glass. I nodded and returned to my dinner, which was lukewarm now. I was going for a third bite of turkey when I was hit on the forehead with a piece of corn. I looked at Jeremy, who no longer had any corn on his plate. He was giggling. I looked past Joe to Casey, who was in a fit of laughter too. "Behave or we're leaving without dessert." I hissed at them. 

Joe looked at me pleadingly. "Please Steph, don't make me suffer. I haven't had pumpkin pie in a year." 

I sighed. "Then control your childen." I said hoarsly. 

"Both of you behave or I'll have your dessert." Joe used the same tone as I had, and ment every word of it. 

"BUT DAD!" They both moaned. 

"No buts. Now EAT." Joe put his fork down and reached for a roll. 

His mother had been watching us for the entire time. She shook her head from time to time, but she was observing us--me in particular. I had turned out to be a decent burg wife. Ok, so I still caught murderers for a living, but as long as I had learned to cook, Joe was happy with that. 

Duley spit up mashed potatoes all over the kitchen floor, and Bob was quickly at his feet licking it up. Joe had not trusted to leave Bob at home this year. Last year, he threw up on our bed, our only bed, and both of us had to share the measly couch a cop's paycheck would afford. 

Just about the same time, Grandma Bella slammed her hands down on the table. "I have a vision." 

For the longest time, that used to scare me. "What is it _this_ time?" Joe asked.

"I see another one. A little girl. She looks rather cuban. But she has her mother's hair. Oh my." Grandma Bella stood on her own two feet and swayed around lika a drunk. "I need a nap." 

"Cuban?" Joe turned to me. Grandma Bella had never been wrong predicting the look and gender of each of out children. 

"I haven't seen Ranger since after Duley was born." I said honestly. 

Grandma Bella hovered over my shoulder. "And if you shall ever sleep with that man, you will be cursed forever." 

And with that, she was gone with Bob close at her heels. "Get out of here mutt." We all heard her say, followed by the closing of a door and the wimpering of a dog.

"Poor Bob." Jeremy said, and scooped the last of his potatoes off of his plate. 

Joe checked his watch. "Sorry Ma, but we really ought to leave. I have to work early in the morning." 

Mrs. Morelli was out of her chair in a heartbeat, and quickly wrapped leftovers for us and put a piece of pie in bowls for the kids. She kissed all three of her grandchildren goodbye, gave Joe a hug, and with a scowel, shoved the leftovers in my arms. She still belived Joe could do better. 

Joe started the car. "That wasn't that bad was it?" 

**And then I woke up. I was lying on my side, faced away from the other side of the bed. It was only a dream. Thank god. Three kids, with another on in the works. One was too much for me already. And that one was screaming for me. **

I rolled over, and kissed the naked shoulder of the man next to me. "I escaped all of that." 

I got out of bed and sauntered into the baby's room. Upon arrival, she stopped crying and stared up at me. For not being able to sleep for a full night in 4 months, she was worth it. She had my eyes, but she had gotten Daddy's mocha skin. She blinked twice and I lifted her out of her crib. 

She had escaped the eye. Some of us weren't as fortunate, but shelucked out. Daddy's gene pool was pretty clean of the crazies, and all I had to worry about was Grandma Mazur. I smiled, and she smiled back. After being fed, burped, changed and wrapped up again, she yawned and fell asleep again, not due to wake up for another four hours. 

I crawled back into bed next to Ranger. "You said something about escaping?" He mumbled. 

"Nothing. It was just a weird dream I had." He turned so that he could face he, and I spooned myself against his bare chest. 

"M'k." He mumbled again and kissed my spine. 

"'Night." I cooed, but I was too late, and he was already asleep. 


	9. Dressed UIp Written Dec 1

Name-Esentrik  
Challenge-#53 Dressed Up  
Rating-R  
Spoiler-None

Now this bites. I stepped out of my truck and sloshed my way to the sidewalk. This is NOT how I wanted to start my day. Connie and Lula would have a field day with this.

I shook my head slowly, held my arms out, gave them a hard shake too, and truged into the office.

"Girl, wha'd' you gotten into?" Lula was the first one to speak.

"Geeze Steph, that's why you step around the puddle." Connie opened her desk drawer and slid all the nail polish and assorted make-ups into it.

"I don't want to hear it. I really don't." I said, and held one muddy arm out to silence them. "I have the recipt. All I want is my freaking check and then I'm going home. IT'S COLD!" I whined the last sentence.

I was covered in mud, from head to freaking toe. Mud sloshed in my shoes, I could feel it in my hair. To make matters worse, there was mud gooed through my pants and onto my underwear.

Now, as a child, I spent long hours digging in the mud. That was acceptable. Everyone did it. I made castles, tunnels, hell, I burried Valerie in it once.

The door to Vinnies office opened, and Tank stepped out. He gave me the once over, and proceded to ask, "Where the hell have you been?"

"Jesus Stephanie! I just had the carpets cleaned!" Vinnie was going ape shit behind Tank.

I gave them both the stiff middle finger and sogged off to better days. I stiffed my check in my pocket, also coated in a thick layer of mud. They'd still take it, right?

I hurked on my truck door. It was stuck. In all, it was a nice truck. It wasn't as monstrous as a Ford or a Dodge. It was a teensy little Nissan. And the door wasn't a new problem.

I put one boot to the cab, and gave a heavy jerk on the handle, keeping my weight against the truck. I tried again, and again, and then said "Screw it" to the saying "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

I opened the passenger door, and slid my muddy ass across the seat, and managed to avoid hitting the stick shift. The drive home wasn't relatively long. At a stop light, I got a few awkward stares from the driver in the lane beside me, but the light changed and he was gone before I could say anything else.

I pounded the up arrow twice on the elevator. "First Floor, stringy underwear and...oh my... aren't you just a mess." Mrs. Bestler was playing elevator operator today.

"Yes. The skip knocked me into the mud." I said grimly.

I was in my apartment in no time. The lock was intact, and from the entry way, I couldn't hear movement or noises what-so-ever. No one was in my apartment. I stood on the tile, and pulled the shirt over my head. Next, I peeled my pants off. Then went everything else, onto a little heap on the floor. I didn't even bother locking the bathroom door. Ranger had the decency to wait until I was out of the shower to talk to me.

I stood infront of the curtain and tapped my foot impatiently waiting for the water to get cold. I was afraid to turn around and look at my hair in the mirror. "Yes." I screamed when the warm water hit my back. An "Oh god" followed, and several animal like noises.

The hot water drained, and I did believe all the mud was off my body, I steped out of the shower. My towel wasn't on the rack where it usually was.

"Shit!" I cursed. The towel was down in my truck, along with most of my laundry.

That would mean streaking through my apartment to find clothing. And that was not going to happen, because my spidey sensces were telling me I was not alone.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I was screwed. A couple thoughts came to mind. Hell, it was only Ranger. It's not like he hasn't see it before. But then again, my apartment was often visited by phsyco pathics and murderous lunatics. What if it wasn't Ranger?

"Babe, you having a problem in there?" He hollared and I almost melted to the ground. Definitely Ranger.

"Sorta." I called back and took a causoius step towards the door. "Did ja see the muddy pile of clothing on the floor in there?"

"Yeah. Almost tripped on it." That threw me, invisioning Batman tripping over a pile of clothing.

"About that. I had problems with a skip today."

"I heard."

"I fell in the mud. And now, my towel is missing." I said in one quick breath.

I listened for his response on the other side. It was long, and quiet. For a second, I though he had left, but he finally choked on his laughter and asked, "How would you like me to help you?"

"I dunno. I hadn't really hoped it would be you on the other side of the door." I said.

"Who'd you expect?" He was taunting me.

"Any number of rapists or drunks I went after today before making my capture."

"Not funny, Babe." There was some suppressed snickering from the other side. "Suppose I stepped outside, and let you change?"

I let out a deep breath. "That would be nice."

There was more silence on the other side, and the closing of a door, so I assumed he'd left. I took one step out into my living room. He'd stayed true to his word. I darted into my bedroom and opened my closet. A few shirts hung on hangers, all of which had been too small for years and I hadn't had the heart to throw them out. There was a pair of ratty sweats, but there was an enourous hole in the crotch.

My dresser wasn't any better. There was a slinky nightgown. One that screamed, "Fuck me". I tossed it back. Not wearing that withing two miles of Ranger. I pulled up a pair of pajama pants and wrapped the towel around my top. Laundry day only came when I was out of bras.

I opened the door to let Ranger in. He gave me the same once over as Tank had, only his eyes lingered on my brests, slightly poking out over the towel. "Everything clean is in the truck." I sighed.

"And everything not clean?" He took a step foreward and knocked me into my apartment. He swung the door closed behind him.

I swallowed and you could hear it in the silence. "You're stepping on it." I joked. 

He picked up his feet and changed his stance, but didn't take his eyes off of mine. Something flickered, and I looked away towards his feel. He was now standing on my muddy pants leg, in bare feet. I traced my way up his leg. Slowly. The zipper of his badass cargo pants was about to burst. Jeez, was I really that big of a turn on?

Before I could say, or really do anything, Ranger lifted me off my own two feet. "Never tempt the lion babe." He said, and swung my bedroom door behind him.

He threw me onto my back on the bed, and held both hands up above my head. "Is there a story to this?" He asked.

"Yeah." I sighed, and gave him the story.

The skip I was after this morning was named Derek Burger. He agreed, until I pulled out the handcuffs. I managed to get one on his wrist and then he ran. I still had my end of the cuff, and there was no way I was loosing the cuffs. They cost me $40. I closed it over my wrist. While he was...well...dragging me across the park across from his house, he toppled over into a muddy sand pit. I went with him, and while he was wrestling to get up, so was I. We got stuck, and Juniak happened to stop by and got us both on our feet again. Somewhere in the mess, we lost the key.

Ranger thought this was amusing as hell. He was on top of me, his knees holding my hips in place so I wouldn't move. His laughter bounced off the walls of my tiny room. It gave my heart the much needed start, and his knee's hold tightened and almost sent me to the doomsday orgasm. He stopped, finally, and leaned over and gave me one of the patented Ranger kisses, and I could feel the doomsday orgasm approaching. And god kill me if I didn't make the best of it.

End.

Sorry, it's been two weeks. I got caught up in school, which is essentually a good thing. My Science grade slipped, and I've been working my tail off to bring it back up before Mid-terms. I probably won't write much over the Christmas break, going back to the Thursday story. Why I can't go on Monday, or a better day, is beyond me. -Esentrik 


	10. Old War Stories Written Dec 11

Author: Esentrik  
Challenge: #54-When the going gets tough...  
Spoiler: Not a single one  
Rating: Pg-13  
Last story of the year for me. It is just physically not possible for me to head on over to the library. Finals are finally over, so I hope you all have a merry christmas(or other holiday) and a happy new year.

"Daddy, can you tell me another one of those old war stories. You know the one that, you always tell me?" Who could pass up that nine year old smile. The one where the three front teeth are missing.

The man looked down on the child...his child, his life, the reason he still woke up in the morning. Why there was a fascination for the old stories of the man's youth was beyond anyone.

"Yes, give me a minute to brush my teeth." He told the child and tucked the little on in again.

The man noticed his wife stirr in the bed when he entered the room. He quickly brushed his teeth and examined his shave. Something to do in the morning. He glanced at the bed and saw a pair of pleading blue eyes. "I'll be right back." He promised and kissed her on the forehead. She looked dissapointed that he wouldn't be right there, right now, but he had another priority.

"What took you so long?" The kid asked and scooted as far to the left of the bed as possible.

The man filled in the space the child left him, and explained that he wanted to say good night to Mom. The child looked at him expectantly, and the man began the story, like he always did. "It was a snowy night in December..."

The story was like any other. The man was a Ranger in the army, and did work in small, unmapped countries. He was captured and held without food and water for many days and nights. Most of his squad had been killed off. There were only four of them left. They used whatever tools were available to them, wich was very little. None of them had their guns, or their packs. One of the men, had a key in his shoes, and with that and a few rocks, they chipped away at the crumbling wall, much to the effect of the escape from Alkatros.

During the changing of the guards, the men escaped. A miracle to be sure, with four grown men, one small hole, and a measly three minutes. The last man was almost out when the guards had caught them. He told them that one life was a fine sacrifice, and with that, the remaining three men rushed into the woods and stayed there until the rescue plane arrived.

The child looked into the eyes of its father, and smiled when the story was finished. To the man, the story was a scar in his past, but to the child, the story was proof that there was still real love in the world. "Thanks Dad." The quiet voice said, and crawled under the sheets.

The man bent over to kiss the child, and when he did, the child was already asleep. The man left with a smile and returned to his wife. He slid in behind her and kissed her bare shoulder. "'Night Babe."

This got a groan and she scooted closer to her husbands warmth.Sometime in the middle of the night, the child entered their room clutching a pooh bear doll close to its chest. "Daddy..." He whispered.

"What's wrong kiddo?"

"I have a headache." One of the childs hands left the bear to rub its forehead.

"I'll get you some medicine. Is that all that hurts?" He asked as he climbed out of bed.

The child nodded and sat on the bed.

A moment later, he returned with a bottle of childrens Tylenol and a spoon. The child took it obediently, and headed off down the hall to his room.

"Night Daddy." The child said, his wide smile beaming at his father over Whinnie the Pooh's head.

"Good Night Rico, see you in the morning." His father told him, and left the medicine on the counter in the bathroom.

For one man, the going got tough and he sacrificed his life for another. Ric's dad sat in bed, close to his wife, and wondered what might have happened to his family if he had been the one who left himself behind. With a smile, thinking of all his blessings and thanking the man who was now sitting on a cloud somewhere, Ranger's father fell asleep. 


	11. For Old Times Sake Written Jan 2

Author: Esentrik  
Challenge: #56-For old times sake...  
Spoiler: Not a single one  
Rating: Pg-13  
**MAJOR CUPCAKES ARE WARNED. YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU READ**

_I didn't know he was leaving, until he was gone. That was the last I saw of him. It still burned sometimes, but it was better than it was before. A year ago, today, he left. Not only me, but the world. A loving family, parents, aunts, uncles, neices, nephews, cousins and the like._

And left me standing in the snow without a home.

"Babe, are you going to be ok?" Was Ranger's message.

I wasn't sure what I was. Part of me was angry. Part of me was hysterical. Part of me wanted a warm body.

I had no one else to be mad at but Joe. Why he was he that lonely? What had made him take his life, the way he had? What could have been so bad that it was worth his life? All were questions most of Trenton was searching for.

I held on to the phone, and my fingers hovered over the first digit of Ranger's phone number. Calling him felt like betraying Morelli, but not calling him made me feel like a loser, afraid of loss or commitment. Time slowly ticked away, and I curled up on my couch with an old blanket and listened to Rex run in the dark. Snow drifted from the sky, which was a pale rosy color, and onto the dirty streets below. It felt weird. There were over hundereds of billions of snowflakes falling, not one of them alike but all the same. Today I felt like the only acid green snowflake plummeting towards earth.

A tear rolled down my cheek. Damn, not now. I glanced at the clock. In about three hours, I would walk through Morelli's front door, and called his name to an empty house. I would climb the stairs, and see his body quietly resting on his bed.

The scene still brought nightmares to haunt me. I thought Joe was asleep, so I crawled into bed. It was only nine o'clock, but I figured he had just as bad of a day as I had. It didn't take me long to realize he wasn't breathing. I shook him, screamed his name, but no responce. His lips were turning blue. Clutched in his hand was a piece of paper. 

"Sorry, Cupcake. I've done something horrible, and this is the only way to fix it. Please don't hate me, just move on. You can finally be Ranger's." The note said, in a scratchy handwriting that was unmistakenably Joe's.

But I really didn't want to be Ranger's. He was a great friend, but Joe had been too, until we started...dating. Ranger didn't do relationships either, and I was certain he didn't want to "deal" with me, the way Joe had so crudely put it in many of our fights.

The autopsy showed that Joe had overdosed on Advil, and it killed him. Slowly, and painfully, the doctor added. I didn't ever plan on marrying Joe, but I had wanted to see him grow old and see his kids get married. His kids, my kids, our kids. It was a scary thought.

"Our" kid hit hard. Two months after the death of Joseph Morelli, I began to feel ill. I stayed in bed and every time I even thought of eating, I threw up. It was like that for weeks, sometimes letting up for me to eat a meal and move around. I had worried the hell out of Ranger, who was now picking up pieces that Morelli had left. He stopped by one night, about the second week of my "sickness" and politely informed me that I was going to see a doctor, weither I liked it or not.

And in a few minutes flat, I went from having a nasty flu to having a fetus. At first, I didn't know what to do. What could I do? There was abortion, adoption, or I could single handedly raise this child. I scrathed "abortion" off my list quickly. This was Morelli blood, the last remaining portion of Joe. Killing it seemed like a crime. I had been set on adoption since day one. Ranger volunteered to help with the baby. It was a nice gesture, but he had his own problems.

Little Robert Joseph Plum entered the world, at just five pounds, eight ounces. Problems caused for him to come early by about a month and a half. Adoption was then scratched off the list. By miracle, he had gotten my eyes. The few wisps of hair went every which way. He had a smile that could even make a statue melt.

And Ranger refused to leave me. He stopped in every night, then again every morning. Using parinoid to describe Ranger just about covered it.

But even as I had a life that _almost_ met Burg standards, I hadn't completely let go of Joe. But I was getting there. Thanksgiving weekend, Ranger, the new baby and I chanced a vacation. An escape from reality was more like it, but it had cheered me up a bit, and got me away from my mother, who was handing out advice like, "Don't hold him so tight," "He can eat more than that, he's a growing boy," "You're living with WHO?".

But tonight, I decided to go home. I needed a break from playing pretend. Pretending that life was perfect. I sat up and waddled into my bedroom and closed the door. I flopped down onto the bed, then stood back up again. Quietly, I picked the baby up from his playpen, and padded back into my sanctuary. I placed Robbie in the middle of my bed, and then curled up around him. Sleeping with him made it easier when he woke up. Still needing mommy, this worked out great.

He stirred, pushing my hand away with his. Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder who he would become. Would he be as arrogant as his father? Would he turn out like Ranger ,or even possibly Tank, both his surrogate dad? And sometimes it was simpler. Will he be tall? Will he play lost of sports? Would he play only one sport, and be really good at it? Would he not like sports at all and become a A student? Highly unlikely because neither me or Joe carred for school much, but he was still in the same gene pool as Valerie.

"For old times sake, I will be cupcake. Just tonight." I said out loud and snuggled the baby.

"'Night Cupcake." Ranger said from across the room, a sad humor in his vice.

"What's up?" I asked and tried to get out of bed.

"I missed you two." He said and crossed the room and peeled the sheets on the undisturbed side of the bed. "That's all."

I smiled and Robbie opened his little eyes. He stared at Ranger, unfocused and in awe as four-month olds often do. Ranger smiled and kissed the baby on the forehead. A tear rolled down my cheek. Not for Joe, but this time for the family he had left behind.

I was thinking to use something simmilar to this on my story but I like found another idea and tossed this one. Guess it came in handy after all. -Esentrik 


	12. Anticipation Written Feb 1

Author: Esentrik  
Challenge: 59-Anticipation  
Rating: Pg-13

I wasn't too sure what to expect when I accepted this file. There is no good way to arrest a fortuneteller. I looked down at the address and then back up at the house in front of me. A neon sign read 'Madame Destiny's house of fortune'. What a nut job.

I could have backed out. I should have backed out. As a bounty hunter, you learn what skips to take, and which ones to shove aside for Ranger. Ranger never worried about image. He also didn't have a Burg background. And besides, it was too late. Lula was already halfway to the door of house.

"Lula, it doesn't look like anyone's home. Maybe we should come back later." I whined.

"Chicken. You just don't like fortune tellers." She shot back and stopped. "What are you waiting for?"

"Fortunetellers are weird. They're creepy." I said and got out of the car.

"I used to be a fortune teller." Lula said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Liar." I said and jogged to catch up.

"I could' a been." She said and squeezed her plus sized hand into a fist and raised it to the door.

She was right. Most fortunetellers I've met were large, black women with flashy costumes. Lula's hair was a shade off orange and her cleavage was stuffed into a constricting lemon-slice yellow top.

Lula knocked first, and then took a step off the stoop and unzipped her purse. "No guns." I hissed and turned back to the door as it swung open.

"'Lo?" A raspy voice asked.

"Linda Carter?" I asked, squinting. The face didn't match the picture at all, except for the frizzy hair.

"Who's asking, kid?" She shot back.

"Stephanie Plum..." I started, but she held her hand out and stopped me.

"Plum... plum...where have I heard that name before. Oh tarter sauce. I forgot my court date. Damn. I was hoping for that hunky Cuban guy, but you'll do." The woman stepped off onto the porch, locking the door behind her.

She ambled over to my car and stood patiently by the passenger door. "That's my seat." Lula whispered.

"She'd cooperating. You'll have to sit in the back. Sorry." Lula made a rude noise in response and I beeped the car open.

"Nice car. Looks like one of the ones that Cuban guy drives. He usually picks me up, ya know?" She ran her hand over the dashboard.

"Ranger?" I was a little surprised. Ranger usually took the half million dollar bonds.

"Yeah, that one. That man's on fire." She said. I shivered. This woman must have been like, sixty.

"I hear ya." Lula said from the back seat.

"HEY!" Linda suddenly yelled. "How 'bout a free fortune?"

"Sure!" Lula said excitedly.

Then the car was quiet. I turned my head, and both women were looking at me. "What?" I held my hands out in front of me.

"Want one?"

"Oh hell. Sure, why not."

"Don't mind her. I think she's got...you know... PMS. She's been like that all day." I heard Lula whisper, and I just ground my teeth against one another. It wasn't the time of the month. It was Morelli. Bastard.

"Honey, hand me your hand." Linda said and held her hand out to me.

One hand left the steering wheel and Linda took it, massaging all the different points. "Honey, is there a man in your life?" She asked.

"Yes." There were two, but she didn't need to know that.

"When were you born?"

"March 9th of 1970."

"Ahh, very good." I glanced over, and Linda had my hand in one of hers, her free hand pressed against her forehead. Her eyes were tightly closed.

"What?"

"This man in your life, you rely on him, don't you?" Her eyes fluttered open.

"Yes, a lot."

"You could say you owe him your life?"

"You could say that, yes." Get to the point, I was thinking.

"You will be destined to the man to whom you owe your life. And in turn, he will owe you his. You may anticipate and long lasting marriage and many children from this man." She suddenly started laughing. "You like children, dear?"

"They're ok. I like the idea of having kids, I guess, just not actually HAVING them." Labor didn't sound very appealing. Twenty or more hours of pushing and panting and screaming and sweating. Yuck.

I pulled up behind the station in record time. Linda was sent through the system, and I was handed a nice check. Big amount for credit card fraud.

"So Stephanie, many children eh?" Lula taunted, now sitting in the passenger seat.

"It was just a stupid fortune. How many times are they actually right?"

I dropped Lula off at the office as Connie was closing up. I was hoping to turn in my body receipt and go shopping, but I couldn't be picky. I made an illegal u-turn and headed to my apartment to change and fall asleep to the afternoon news.

My handset rang in my pocket. I flipped it open out of habit before checking my Caller ID. "Yo."

"Miss Plum?" Asked a very business voice.

I swallowed. "Speaking."

"This is doctor Leery from Saint Francis hospital. I'm very sorry, but there was an accident and we need you down here as soon as possible."

My mouth was suddenly dry. "What happened? Who's hurt?"

"I'll explain everything when you get here. Head straight to the ER." There was yelling and beeping in the background, and then the connection was severed.

I ran through the double doors of the ER and looked around. Was it Joe? Valerie? My Dad or Grandma? I failed to notice Tank until he wrapped me in a huge hug. I was on the edge of crazy. "Tank?" I asked.

Tank pulled away. "It's Ranger."

I swallowed again and suddenly felt dizzy. Tank helped me into a chair near where he was standing. "How...how is he?"

"I'm not going to lie to you. I don't know for sure." Tank sat down next to me and held onto my hand.

"Not dead?" My voice was an octave matching Minnie Mouse.

"Not dead." Said a deeper voice above my head.

A man stood in a green scrub suit. Blood stained the top, and I had to look down at my feet. "Stephanie, are you going to be ok?"

I tucked my head between my knees and nodded. "I have something I need to ask you." The doctor stooped to my level. "Ranger was hit by a truck earlier this evening. Most of his lower body is squashed. His liver isn't working like it should, and were waiting for tests to come back, but we believe his only kidney has gone into failure."

"We need to find someone that matches." I looked up at Tank. Why was I being told all this.

"I didn't match bomber."

"We've tested everyone, but you. Accepting a kidney from anyone but a direct donor would take time we haven't got." The doctor held out a needle. "Can we run a few tests?"

All I could do was nod. _'And he will owe you his'_. I felt a prick in my finger, but didn't look up. The sting stopped and the doctor pulled the needle away. He rushed it to the nearest nurse, and with urgency told her to hurry and get it tested. The nurse scuttled up the stairs.

"Would you like to see him?" The doctor asked quietly and I lifted my head and met his eyes. I felt Tank's hand on my back, guiding me up and out of the chair. "He needs you, Steph."

Tears welled in my eyes, but I followed the doctor into the next room. Ranger laid on the bed, helpless and weak. Sides I'd never seen before. His eyes were closed, and there was an incision on his bare stomach that revealed muscle and intestines. I swallowed vomit and moved my view quickly. I reached for his hand, glad to feel the warmth still to it. Ranger's face was pale, and I reached out and rubbed the backside of my hand against it. He flinched. "Ric." I whispered and he responded with a squeeze.

That boosted my spirits a little. He was responsive. Only, now I didn't know what to say. "It'll be okay," was all I could muster. The corners of Ranger's mouth tipped up, but his eyes shut tighter in pain. I stroked his face again with my hand.

"Miss Plum, can we see you outside?" The nurse asked, signaling the doctor and I outside.

I leaned over and kissed Ranger on the forehead and followed them outside.

"As if a miracle from God, you match. His body can accept your kidney." The doctor smiled. "If, you're willing to accept the danger."

"Danger?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

"The surgery might put the baby in harms way. We can still do it, but we need your consent." The doctor looked down at the lab results.

"Baby?" A tear managed to roll down my cheek.

"I assumed you knew... you're almost three months pregnant." For a second, I swore the doctor blushed.

My hand found it's way over my stomach. There was only one person who could have fathered a baby. Morelli hadn't been near my bed in almost five months. "You have my permission." I said weakly.

"There is a slight chance you could loose the baby." The doctor added.

"There's a chance we could loose him too." I motioned towards the door.

"You should drink a lot of water for the next hour or so. We'll get a room preped and ready to go. We don't usually do this, but under the circumstances..." The nurse informed as the doctor left to check on Ranger.

"Can I... go see him again?" I smiled slightly, "And tell him about the baby?

"Certainly." The nurse managed an easy smile and held the door open for me.

I hadn't noticed, but Tank was beside me again. He had been the entire time. I forced myself to look at him, and he leaned over and gave me a friendly kiss on the top of the head. I took Ranger's hand again, instinctively. I opened my mouth, but couldn't find the words. And even if I had, how would he take them? I envisioned Morelli in this position, suddenly surprised by a pregnancy. I winced inwardly. Ranger was no Joe, and Joe was certainly not Ranger by any means. More tears formed behind my eyes, and I could feel them trail down my face.

I was happy. I could help him, and I was carrying his baby. I had mixed feelings. Could I be the mother the baby needed? Do I have the right atmosphere to raise a child? "I'm pregnant," Came out as a surprise whisper.

Ranger squeezed my hand again, and lifted it a few inches off the bed. I was looking down at my feet, and I raised my eyes to meet his face. His eyes were opened, tired and happy at the same time. A dried blood trial ran down his cheek from a split in the skin above his eyebrow, and his eye was bruised, but he looked happy.

He closed his eyes after a few minutes and let out a sigh. Tank slipped out of the room, leaving just the two of us for a very long time.

There was a light rap on the door. "Miss Plum, were ready for you."

Ranger's chest rose and fell in a slow, sleepy pace and I gently let his hand fall back to his side. This would all be over, I repeated in my head.

I was layed down on the bed. "We should usually keep you awake during the surgery, but for the baby's sake, were going to put you under a light anesthetic." A mask was slipped over my head. "Count backwards from 100 for me, okay?"

I nodded, and counted. 100...99...98...97...96...95...94...93...92...91...90.

Tank sat in the family room. He cared for Ranger as a brother, and Stephanie as a little sister. So the family room felt like the right place to be. The doctor slid into the room, three hours after they had taken Stephanie. The doctor smiled.

"Stephanie's in recovery. They should be stitching Ranger up. Baby came out unharmed." The doctor rested a hand on Tank's shoulder. "You should go get something to drink son. You look really pale."

Tank nodded and left the room following the doctor. What he needed to do was get out of here. He hated hospitals, from his tenth birthday, when he had lost his mother. But he owed it to Ric and Steph to be there.

Ranger was the first to wake up. Every angle of his body ached and bled and bruised. Nobody had told him anything, but he felt better. He was a little shaken from what Stephanie had told him. He wanted to see her, but his mouth was swollen shut. Saying anything would have been an act of God.

Somewhere across the hall, I stirred in my bed, coming back to the real world. I blinked in the darkness and heard a faint beeping. The only light was emitted from a heart monitor pushed against the wall behind my bed. My stomach was sore, and my hand rubbed against it absent-mindedly. My thoughts drifted to the baby and Ranger. I swung my feet over the edge of the bed. I needed to make sure Ranger was alright.

The door was opened, and a big figure filled the door. "Where do you think you're going?" The voice asked, followed by deep, booming laughter.

"I was going to go see Ranger." I said indignantly as Tank switched the lights back on.

"Funny. I think he wanted to see you too. He's doing fine, but he can't talk yet." Tank came over to the bed and picked up my feet.

He put them back on the bed. "The doctor was going to bring you a wheelchair and he wanted to give you some of the news. I'll go find him."

Tank left, and he was soon replaced by a balding doctor. It wasn't the same one I had been dealing with. He stuck out his hand. "'Evening, Stephanie. I'm Dr. Scott."

"Hi." I said weakly.

"The surgery went well for all three of you." He said with a smile. "You're going to have to be careful with the stitches though. It's going to hurt worse if you pull them loose and they have to redo them."

He must have sensed my impatience. "No walking unless necessary for a few days. No more than ten steps at a time. You will need to use a wheel chair for a week or two. Keep them as dry as possible. You'd have to be nuts to go swimming in this weather, but no more showers than you need to. I've written you a prescription, and a doctors note for work. If you need anything, you'll know where to find me."

He helped me into the wheel chair, which I wasn't happy about but at least I could see Ranger.

Ranger was smiling, his eyes closed. He looked better. He was cleaned up, his chest still bare showing off a X made in stitches. I hadn't examined mine, but they probably matched.

My stomach growled and Ranger's smile widened. "I was going to eat dinner with my parents you know." I said jokingly.

Ranger opened his eyes in response. "How are you feeling?" I asked before I realized he probably wouldn't answer.

"Thank you." He said, sounding strangled and tired.

"I captured a fortune teller today." I said and wheeled my chair next to Ranger and rolled my head onto his shoulder. "I got a free fortune too."

"Hmm?" He grunted as a question.

"She said, that there was a single man to whom I owed my life, and in turn he would owe me his. And from this man, I will find prospering love and many children."

Ranger let out a weak laugh. The laugh of a man in very much pain and not enough medication.

"Baby?" He asked in his choked voice.

"Doing fine." I said and stroked my hand down his arm and then laced my fingers in his.

"I love you." He said, the first time he had said those words, and only those words and nothing else.

I found a knot in my trout, but managed to say it back. I did love him, and fortune was told that we would love each other for eternity.

This one is probably my most sappiest (is that a word?) fic. It's been floating around in my head for a long time. The closest I've come to a kidney transplant was from ER anyway, and since the realm of fiction is free to the author, I probably made up some facts and streatched in a few places.


	13. Little Wishes Written Feb 14

Author: Esentrik  
Title: Little Wishes  
Spoilers: Seven-ish  
Rating: It's a realy, kinda late, quickie. No more than PG

I smoothed out my sheet of paper. It was blank and neat. I had been sitting here for almost twenty minutes, but my little fingers didn't know what to write. I guess I should start it with, "Dear Stephanie." 

But that sounded too sincere. "Dear Miss Plum." Sounded polite, but a little too respectful for some of the stories daddy told us on Christmas. 

Our time wasn't long enough. Daddy could only stay a week this year. He showed up two weeks before Christmas, like always. He was busy over Christmas, so he came early every year since I could remember. Only this time his mind was on something... or someone... in particular. He smiled a bit more, laughed a bit more, and sang a bit louder when Uncle Mickey put in his Christman Elvis CD. 

I picked up my pencil with a fresh idea in my head. I scribbled away, and once I hit the bottom, I scribbled my name in the corner and drew a tiny picture of Daddy and Stephanie, drawn like Daddy described her. 

I carefully folded it, licked the envelope and addressed it to RangeMan, with Stephanie's name on it in big letters. I snuck into the den, and into the desk drawer and put a stamp on my letter. And I'd slip in into the mail on my way to school. I tucked the little pink envelope under my pillow and fell asleep on it. 

I was up to my knee's in dust. Something about Valentine's day made my want to clean. Maybe to make up for the fact that I didn't have a regular boyfriend. 

There were two tiny knocks on my door, and I hollared, "It's open," above the radio. 

Ranger twisted the handle and came in. I'd been a while since I'd seen him on a personal level. He'd been really busy, and didn't even have a lot of time to sleep. And it showed. 

He unsheathed a little pink envelope and nearly crashed to the floor. I took it and looked him in the eye. Bags underlined them heavily and his eyelids were droopy. 

I closed the tiny space between us, and he leaned on my shoulder. Almost instantly, he was a sleep. I wrapped one arm as far as I could around his huge middle, and half-drug half-walked him into my bedroom. I let him drop onto the bed, and I pulled at his shoes untill the laces came undone and they slid off. I pulled a blanket over him, and let him sleep. 

With Morelli gone, the treats keeping me and Ranger apart weren't as large. We were starting on working toward a confortable level before a physical level. I looked at him, his exausted form finally asleep. And it was confortable. 

Back to the letter. I looked at it. There was a tiny heart in the corner where a return address should have been, and in neat handwritting was written, "Miss Stephanie Plum." and the RangeMan address was given. 

I carefully peeled back the envelope, and pulled a sheet of lined paper, folded into thirds and stickered with a heart. 

I broke the seal and read the letter. My heart clenched, and I peeked at Ranger. He was still asleep. But this letter was from a Miss Nicola Manoso, the daughter Ricardo Manoso. I reread the note. It had been written in a redish pink ink in honor of the holiday: 

_ Dear Miss Stephanie, _

I'm Nica, Nicola actually, but I like Nica. I'm writing to you about something very important. It's my dad, you know him as Ranger. 

I saw him before Christmas and he looked really happy. Happier than he was when my Momma told him to go to places I can't say and rot there for an eternity. He laughed a lot, and told Abuella all about you. You sound really cool. 

Daddy's tough, but his heart is kinda squishy. A bunch of kids are afraid of him, but he's really a big teady bear. I hope you like him, because he likes you a whole ton. 

I have one question: Can he be your Valentine, for this year? 

He always asks me to me his, thats only because he can't find someone he really loves but me. But Abuella told me what boys do when they like girls, and Daddy really, really likes you. 

Thank you and hope Daddy gets brave enought to love you, 

NICA ROSE MANOSO 

She signed in with a big marker, and there was a little doodle of a tall man wearing a black outfit and a shorter woman with curly hair and a big heart in between them. I could only guess who the two were. 

As if by chance, Ranger stirred in the next room. I peeked in the doorway, and he had sprawled out across my bed. I kicked my dirty dust rag as I walked to the bed. I carefully got on it and laid on my stomach facing him. 

"Ranger?" I asked. 

"Hmmm?" 

"Would you be my valentine?" I asked. 

He opened his eyes, smiled and pulled me into his arms, where he fell asleep again. I folded the note and slid it under my pillow for now. I'd tuck it somewhere safer later, but right now, I was "as snug as a bug in a rug."

Sorry it's late. I checked my email, a mere twelve minutes after the new challenge was posted. I had a few ideas, but they came out too sappy or dull. And finally, I got this one. It's short, but it's quick. And, I dont think I'll be doing the colors often either, I just didn't feel like reading black today and got carried away... Esentrik 


	14. Ode To Bob Written March 20

Author: Esentrik  
Challenge: #66- Writers Choice, 200 words  
Note: A break from my other stories, because I couldn't think of a plot to fit 200 words. This is called "Ode To Bob" and I'd like to dedicate this to my own Bob's: Little Dog and Big White Dog (Both of which have names, but those are more common). 

_The story, by my count, came out to 196 words. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure..._

I stared at my carpet and one thought came to mind: Yuck. 

I exchanged glances with Bob, who shook his head and lowered it into his hands. "Laundry Room, Go." I commanded, but he didn't budge. 

I passed him on the way to the kitchen, giving him a good kick. I wadded up a bunch of paper towels like a glove and side-stepped towards the steaming mess of dog puke. 

I don't know what Bob ate, but it was a good guess that he wasn't supposed to. 

Weilding a can of Lysol in my other hand, I reached for the pile, grasping it and closing my hand around it. I had enough towels to not feel the squishyness of it, but I could feel the warmth. 

"Yuck, eww, nasty." I complained, holding the wad in front of my face, kicking the trash can open and dropping it in. 

I double scrubbed my hands with dish soap, figuring if it was good enough to eat off of, it was good enough to clean dog-yack germs off my arm. 

As if on cue, the phone rang. I slid across the counter and grabbed the reciever, nearly dropping it out of my slippery hands. 

"Yo Babe." Came a familiar voice. 

"Yo yourself," was my usual response, but today I jumped to the jugular of the problem. "Bob puked on the rug." 

"Did you get Ella to clean it?" He asked, voice full of laughter. 

"Ella could have cleaned it?" Came my tiny voice.

**The End**

Tucker and Casey (my dogs that usually go by the forementioned nicknames) are always hurling in places they shouldn't, and their recent incident inspired this. I won't go into detail, but it involved a bird, carpet stain remover and a garbage bag. 

But, we love them anyway. This is a tribute to all pets and their owners. 

I figured we all needed a little comic relief, and sorry I couldn't get this to you sooner. Esentrik


End file.
